Adam White

This clip is from a local newspaper I found during one of our trips to Niagara-On-The-Lake. I got such a laugh out of it that I wanted to share it.

Ever wonder what all those advertising terms really mean?

New – Different color from previous design.
All new – parts are not interchangeable with previous design.
Exclusive – imported product.
Unmatched – almost as good as the competition.
Foolproof operation – no provision for adjustments.
Advanced design – the advertising agency doesn’t understand it.
It’s here at last – rush job, nobody knew it was coming.
Field testing – manufacturer lacks test equipment.
High Accuracy – unit on which all parts fit.
Futuristic – no other reason why it looks the way it does.
Re-designed – previous flaws fixed, we hope.
Direct sales only – factory had a big argument with distributor.
Years of development – we finally got one to work.
Breakthrough – we finally figured out a use for it.
Maintenance fee – impossible to fix.
Meets all standards – ours, not yours.
Solid state – heavy.
High Reliability – we made it work long enough to ship it.
Rugged – too heave to lift.
A number of different approaches are being tried – we are still grasping at straws.
Customer satisfaction upon delivery is assured – we are so far behind schedule the customer should be happy just to get it delivered.
Test results were extremely gratifying – we were so surprised that the stupid thing worked.